They Don’t Know What To Do With Their Pain

Many years ago, while I was driving home from a doctor’s appointment I heard God speak to my heart. The words forever changed my understanding of my place in this world. I had been battling chronic pain and health issues and refused to continue on a medication that just left me feeling not like myself. I was having a real conversation with God. I was frustrated and realized how easily so many people fall into reliance upon medication that doesn’t necessarily bring about a solution, but only numbness. I remember yelling out to God, “Why do people even consider this choice that could potentially lead to addiction and even more problems in life?” God gently spoke words that resonated with every part of me. “They do not know what to do with their pain.”

​

Fast forward ten years through a journey that I never imagined I would experience, let alone survive.  I now find myself with a deeper understanding of unmanageable pain and loss. Grief is a pain that is unexplainable. It is so many emotions wrapped up into one state and directed toward the absence of something. It is not like other things we experience that we can feel, see, or hear. The object of what we are feeling is gone. It isn’t like we can shake a fist at it or throat punch it.

When I was walking alongside my husband during his cancer journey I knew what to do with my pain. I had physical pain but nothing compared to his pain. I had emotional pain but nothing compared to what he felt. I channeled my pain into something productive like caring for him, driving him, managing medications, appointments, finances, and just trying to keep our family going.

When I heard the words from the doctor that he would not survive more than two more days I found myself in a new place. I no longer knew what to do with my pain. In the months following the funeral I found myself many times going back to the conversation I had with God that day driving home from the appointment. “They do not know what to do with their pain,” God said to my heart. So many times I have ugly cried out to God, “I do not know what to do with this! It hurts so bad. The pain is unbearable God!” Nothing helps when grief is so deep that it causes physical symptoms. Your body aches. You cannot see, taste, or hear. You feel, at times, that even accomplishing the next breath is taking a focused effort.

In times like these, just when I feel that there is no hope of the pain ending, I open my phone and play music. I choose music that is anointed and speaks of hope. I worship the very ONE who not only sustains me but also forever healed the man I love. I read scripture that speaks of the Holy Spirit’s nature to just rush in and wrap me up and breathe my next breath for me.

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. 1 Peter 4:12-14

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

When I choose worship music for my ears and rest my eyes on His Word, I feel myself not just in His presence but saturated with life-giving comfort. As the scripture promises, the spirit of glory and of God rests on me and I count it all joy lacking nothing.

Nothing helps, but the Holy Spirit and resting in Him.

Author- Kim Carroll

.