Surviving Through the Suffering

After much encouragement and a lot of persuading by Kim and Heather I am attempting my first post for Balance. Here’s to hoping I can properly express myself and deliver a message that hopefully speaks to at least one soul when they read this. 

I was never one to be an attention seeker. I was much happier sitting back and filling in the gaps wherever and whenever needed. I had no amazing skill growing up and never fell in with any “crowd”. So picture grade school and me shying back as they selected players for whatever game was being played for recess and I was typically the last chosen. High school me, you may ask, was no different. I simply just wanted to stay out of trouble, make decent grades, and survive. I dreaded public speaking, social gatherings, and anything that would direct all attention on me

Fast forward several years and here I am, still trying to survive as a widowed mother of two children. Add to that an orphan having lost both my mother and father while my children were younger. Survival has been a key to my life and if I continue to find the courage to write hopefully I can fill in some gaps and bring hope to others through some stories I have to tell. 

For as long as I can remember my goal was to simply survive. When my husband and father to our two amazing kiddos was diagnosed with cancer in December of 2018, survival took on a whole new meaning. Having cared for both my parents during their cancer battles, and watched a woman who was a second mother to me face her own battle with cancer, care taking was no stranger to me. But surviving while being a caretaker, that took on a whole other meaning when every day you needed to be 100% for the day ahead, whatever the day would bring.

After Jason lost his earthly battle in October I was again just trying to survive, the pastor of our church told me several times “Whatever you do don’t stop coming to church, keep yourself and the kids in church.” And I have done just that and now find myself daily engulfing in everything I can spiritually. I feel attacks daily, big and small, that the devil is at my family and me. Satan himself would like nothing more than for survival Brandy to lay down in her bed and cry 24 hours a day for my earthly loss. However, each day God blesses me with a sign that my pain is meant for some greater purpose, that my husband’s suffering here on this earth had a greater purpose. 

I have been praying for God to direct me to his plan for me and our family’s testimony. Secretly, what I would really like would be for him to just spell out straight. I think we all know most times it doesn’t work that way. Just like parents helping their child learn to walk, God will hold our hand as we stumble and fall, just waiting for us to take off full speed ahead when we finally figure it out.

I am a huge K-Love person. Most days that is all I listen to music-wise. I mean when everywhere you go Satan is trying to pull you down what better way to run him off than blaring songs of praise, encouragement, and hope? For almost a month now, there’s been a scripture reading on 1st Peter by Jud Wilhite. I listened and went on thinking silently, “well that’s pretty fitting.” This morning yet again for the umpteenth time or so hearing it I looked up when I pulled in at work and said, “I got it Lord I will read 1st Peter myself.” 

What I am sharing speaks to me and my prayer as you read this is that it speaks to you as well. If you find yourself in a place where you are questioning life's struggles, wondering why, angry, hurt, and maybe even betrayed take a moment to read the following scripture.

Who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.  1 Peter 1:5-9 

I can say to you today that I have survived everything that life has thrown at me thus far, for a purpose. Is the purpose so I can sit here today and type this because someone out there needs to hear just how awesome our God is? My God has brought me through seasons in my life that I could have easily just thrown the towel in and succumbed to the temptations of the devil.  My God has loved me through my wrong choices and welcomed me back into his loving arms. My God gave me a wonderful husband who was an amazing father (but fought his conviction from God more times than he could probably ever confess with his tongue). My God even through all the grief and trials has wiped every tear from our eyes. He was merciful to my husband and welcomed him with open arms to Heaven! For that I can rejoice!

God has placed on my heart today that someone else needs to see these verses, someone out there is meant to hear about how wonderful our Father is. Your suffering is only temporary and it has a purpose. You can find peace that tops all peace by simply turning it all over to Him and trusting Him to see you through! God has not left you because there is an obstacle in your path. You can either let the obstacle consume you and Satan can use it to keep you from having peace or you can trust that God is bigger than all of it and will love you through it.

Today, I choose to still trust God that my pain has a purpose that He will continue to hold me through it all as the waves of grief come and go. That He will continue to be by my side as I raise our children in the way God would want. This is me fully becoming the “front row girl” screaming from the bleachers about how wonderful my God is!

Heavenly Father,

“Tonight I pray that you continue to use me for your will. To allow my suffering to serve a purpose. May it show others how only you can provide peace and comfort in a time of trial. I pray for your guidance to grow in your word so that I can help to serve you and use my family’s testimony to glorify you. I know there are others Lord struggling through trials. My prayer is that somehow they can find BALANCE and come to you Lord.”

In Jesus name I pray,
Amen

Author: Brandy Taylor