One Sock in the Hamper

In the months since becoming a widow, there have been many adjustments. Some are small in comparison to the larger parts of life such as making financial decisions alone or being a single parent. Some adjustments are felt in the day to day routines which become those quick moments that stop me in my tracks such as realizing I do not know where he kept extra furnace filters. ​

I was brought to my knees one day when I was doing laundry and discovered that for six months I had left one of his work socks in the bottom of the hamper. It was untouched, still dirty, still there waiting for me to wash it and match it to a pair as I had done so many times before. Apparently, I had unconsciously just left it there and not included it in all the previous loads that had come and gone. As I do most things, I stopped and just sat in the floor and analyzed the situation. Why had I left one sock? Why hadn’t I washed it?

It was a simple sock, likely worn without a thought and definitely not useful now. It served its purpose. In that moment, as I had so many times before, I was drawn to self-pity, grief, loneliness, questioning, and anger. Had I kept it around because I felt like this lone sock? Unpaired and now useless without the other that balanced out its purpose? Was I allowing myself to sit at the bottom of the hamper of life just waiting to be discarded? 

On this day I found myself struggling to focus on any good thing about my situation. I was spiraling and the devil had to be enjoying the time I was wallowing in darkness. I spent days pondering on this one sock. I would do laundry, get to the bottom of the hamper and there it would be. That one sock became almost an animated thing. I spoke to it sometimes. “Well hello there again”, I would say, half trying to be cheerful, half wanting to rip it to shreds. I chose to leave it in the bottom of the hamper as I muddled through the significance it seemed to have in my new life.

Finally, one day I came to terms with what this sock represented while I was reading Phillipans 4:8. 

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praise worthy – think about such things.”

I could not wait to address this issue with “One sock” as I had come to call it. It is so easy to struggle in moments of grief and focus on the overwhelming sadness and loneliness of the situation. It is easy to wallow in our own inadequacies. In the moments after reading this scripture, I felt a shift inside my mind and heart. I realized that I was seeing this situation with one sock only for what it was not. I saw it as missing its other half that made it a complete and useful pair.  I needed to factor in the perspective that God offers as hope and purpose that results in thoughts being “true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praise worthy.”

After sitting still for awhile and just listening attentively, I was able to hear what God was telling me. I began to feel more joy and peace. There is no changing my current situation having lost a spouse or that of One Sock. It is what it is. I am unpaired and in need of a good cleansing. I am also not useless and ready to be discarded. I realized there are lots of potential uses for One Sock. It can be used to dust furniture as it is soft and would do a fine job. It can cover a golf club and keep it from getting dusty in the winter months. My favorite idea is making it into a sock puppet. It has the potential to bring someone a laugh or smile. For now, it sits in the bottom of the hamper. I may keep it there just to remind me over and over of the moments I have had with the Holy Spirit when I have been given comfort, wisdom, and purpose.

I am like One Sock. There are lots of possibilities within my coming years.  I do not know what the future holds for me or One Sock but at least I am thinking about a future instead of just sitting stagnant at the bottom of the hamper of life.

I feel called and drawn to things I know are much bigger than me. In sadness I am slowly finding happiness. In emptiness and loneliness I am slowly finding fullness. 
It is a beautiful thing to be in a place where survival depends on reaching a hand out to God and allowing Him to take control. I am forced to rely upon the One who gently guides my steps. He provides all measures of strength, wisdom, and purpose as I listen attentively and let His Word define me.

Author: Kim Carroll

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