 I sat in Heather’s office one day asking, “What if I lose my faith in all this?” I was traveling back and forth between Duke Hospital on the weekends, then home to work during the middle of the week. Bill was staying there full time and we kept getting worse news with each doctor visit. I began to worry that losing my husband of almost 25 years would shake me to the inner core of my faith and even my identity. Heather’s reply to my question that day came to mind when I was studying faithfulness. She basically said, “I know you. You won't lose your faith.” Later that evening I asked the same thing of Aleta, Crystal, and Kara… their response was the same. It was if they all were more sure than I was about who I was.
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 I don’t know why God made me the way I am. My mind, my tendency to overthink, analyze, go so deep in my head that I am visibly away from the present circumstances. My mother used to call it “checking out”. She described it to me as watching me fall backwards into something inside my head. She would even account for it in how she parented me. She used to joke with others, “just give her a minute, she’s checked out, she will be back”. I would be very deep in thought and come back around and she would be staring at me blankly then ask, “You back yet?”
 After much encouragement and a lot of persuading by Kim and Heather I am attempting my first post for Balance. Here’s to hoping I can properly express myself and deliver a message that hopefully speaks to at least one soul when they read this.
I was never one to be an attention seeker. I was much happier sitting back and filling in the gaps wherever and whenever needed. I had no amazing skill growing up and never fell in with any “crowd”. So picture grade school and me shying back as they selected players for whatever game was being played for recess and I was typically the last chosen. High school me, you may ask, was no different. I simply just wanted to stay out of trouble, make decent grades, and survive. I dreaded public speaking, social gatherings, and anything that would direct all attention on me  One day recently, we found ourselves in deep conversation during an impromptu dinner break from a busy day. We all have those times that the conversation trends more toward “God sharing” and these are true blessings during a tough day. On this particular day, we were in the planning stages of what seemed to be God weaving a ministry opportunity into our lives. A more accurate description of these ministry planning days might be that God was dropping a huge well-wrapped gift right into our already crazy, hectic lives. The Holy Spirit showed up more times than we can count to guide us into no more or no less of his plan.
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