1/12

I have been told and have read that all the “firsts” can be difficult after losing a spouse. So far, the kids and I have had lost of firsts including holidays and our own birthdays. Today is Tall Boyfriend’s first birthday since he lost his battle to cancer. I know where he is and do not have sadness when I think of him receiving his perfect healing and celebrating his first birthday without pain, sickness, or sadness. ​

So far leading up to this day I have just told myself that I will get through it, let the day pass, and feel accomplished if I can just manage not to have overwhelming sadness that keeps me home from church. During the early morning hours, I asked God to lead me to a verse that brought not only comfort and lack of sadness, but also joy on this day. He led me to James 1:12. 

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”

Persevering under trial means to hold fast to one’s faith in Christ. Another explanation found in the concordance is to endure bravely and calmly ill treatments. Wow! This hit home so hard. Last night, I sat and watched videos I had saved from the last couple years of Tall Boyfriend bravely and calmly enduring ill treatments. Maybe I am stretching the meaning of ill treatments a bit, but anyone who has endured any treatment related to cancer or stood beside caring for this person would agree that using “ill treatments” in this context is not a stretch at all.

I found joy in watching these videos. As he laughed, made jokes, and stayed positive I could see he “stood the test”.  The Greek words in this passage refer to someone who was given the stage in history or appeared in public. I like to think Bill Carroll had his moment in time. He was definitely on stage as he posted funny and encouraging videos or went live on Facebook. What he did with this time is what mattered as he left his mark in history and went into eternity having affected this world.

If given the opportunity, he would tell you he was not perfect. He was a humble man. I am certain he left this world without knowing the impact he had while he was here, especially in his last months. 

After getting just a couple hours sleep, I was able to wake up to joy. I thought about this verse and how God had answered prayer. He had given me a new perspective to this day I had been dreading. What I am left with is that I watched a man, during his most trying time, persevere and be proven not only as strong, but to also use his voice to encourage and point people toward a loving Savior. I think it is safe to assume he has earned the crown of life spoken of in this verse.

Ask yourself the same questions I did as I awakened…
What will I do with the opportunities given to me? 
Will I persevere under trial? 
Will I have a good attitude? 
Will I welcome whatever life dishes up with a positive outlook and keep my faith?
Will it be said of me that I did all these things when I am gone? 
Will I earn that crown of life?

And there was the joy… that I am still here serving a loving God that does give us everything we need in any moment. Today I find joy. As I wrapped up writing this post I had to think about what to title it. James 1:12 is the verse that God gave me. Then I realized today is 1/12. It’s those little moments of Holy Spirit Sprinkle that I find amusing. God has to have a sense of humor. I sure hope so or I am in big trouble!

Have a wonderful 1/12 and I am praying that this day blesses you as it has already blessed me! Happiest of magnificent birthdays in heaven Tall Boyfriend!

Author: Kim Carroll

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