Kim's thoughts on Balance

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Romans 12:9-13

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When I think of balance and being steady I usually incorporate imagery that in some way includes water. Recently, during an emotionally difficult day, I heard a reference that reminded me that all the water in the world cannot sink the tiniest ship unless it gets inside. As long as that ship stays afloat and upright the water is not only powerless but is the very means to transport the vessel to a new place. 

Over the past couple years I have certainly weathered a few storms. My family has experienced the loss of many members including my Tall Boyfriend, husband, best friend, and earthly balance in my life. In the months since becoming a widow, even the tiniest of storms were magnified by my own savage mind and temptation to roll around in sadness, loneliness, self-destruction, and anger. Maintaining balance and steadiness throughout the storm was beyond my own ability and required effort and the gentle ordering of my steps by the very One who gave me a life to live.

I also think of balance as not only a way to just survive but also a way to exhibit grace and excellence. The image of a gymnast on a beam, so graceful, so purposeful, so evident of determination and practice, also provides insight into how being steady can result in victory.  They make it look so easy as they jump, tumble, and steady themselves so beautifully on such a small space high above the ground. It is always clearly seen when the gymnast is focused and well prepared. You can almost see the moment when they are not and their eyes show doubt and fear right before or after they make a mistake. When they are successful it is a beautiful thing and their smiles and the cheers of the crowd reflect peaceful satisfaction in a job well done.

I have come to understand balance and steadiness in life through these two lenses, both surviving and thriving. First, finding balance and being steady when storms of life serve up one wave after another is a result of reliance upon the Holy Spirit not only to comfort but also to fill up the empty spaces and heal the scars. Also, rising above just existing and striving to be excellent, walking ordered steps into a calling of my life is a result of covering each day in prayer and diving into the Word of God.

There is always the temptation to remain in a safe place, giving into the seductive nature of numbness, not pressing forward in life. That ship that stays in the harbor does avoid all the storms and dangers in life, but also never goes anywhere. That gymnast who plays it safe on the beam doesn’t fully reach the potential talent that will result in a win.

As I regained steadiness over the past few months, through spiritual battles, emotional roller coasters, and the raw physical pain of grieving, I felt myself facing two choices. I had visions of two doors. They were both red. The one on the left was tempting because it meant that I could give into numbness and just live, work, exist, and watch the days go by enjoying whatever life was left for me. The one on the right was more challenging. It meant I walked into the calling on my life to serve others and pursue ministry opportunities with a passion that had always burned inside me. I will be honest and admit that door #1 was given much consideration. It had less accountability and more opportunity for self-indulgence. It seemed I could enjoy the life of just existing and just rolling along with whatever came my way. 

Door #2 was probably always going to be the option I chose but it sure did not seem that way for many weeks. I felt I was losing my faith and had given up hope of being who God wanted me to be. I was brutally honest with myself and my friends and in my transparency admitted that I was not in a good place. Thankfully, God was still holding me and began to weave together something that I never expected. A new thing. Through the prayers of others, many deep talks with trusted friends and God, I began to see a path of hope and purpose. Conversations with Heather began to reveal just how God had been in the details all along. What began as shared desire to help those struggling to survive cancer and minister to the caregivers has developed into a picture of needs much greater. God spoke door #2 into my life and gave me not only the opportunity to walk through it but also the needed strength and shared purpose. The calling to use heartaches and lessons learned to serve others has propelled us further into God’s plan than we ever imagined. We have found ourselves many times saying “This is so much bigger than us”. And it is!

Balance Ministries is being gracefully crafted and continually woven by God to meet the needs of those struggling to weather the storm, stay balanced and steady, and connect with those who can provide love and support. It is our heart’s desire that we remain faithful to God’s purpose in all this to provide for individuals needing support, encouragement, spiritual awakening, and prayer as well as financial provisions. We are moving forward to establish ministry opportunities one-on-one through visitation and prayer, the Balance Blog, in group settings through supportive bible studies, live streaming devotions, speaking engagements, conference events, and more. And by more ….there’s a bold move to listen to encouraging friends and write a book. This has been an interesting, fun, and hilarious process. I recommend it. :)

SO! Stay tuned! We are building a network and need your help and prayers! We are working to establish Balance Ministries as a non-profit entity. This will expand the opportunities to serve others in many ways. As impatient and eager as I am this is hardly containable. I am excited and hope in the coming days you will not only pray for us but also about those that God is preparing to provide help and support. We will need lots of prayer and support. We have already experienced spiritual battles and know that more are ahead as it is with any ministry. God is doing a great thing, it is much bigger than us, and we are thankful for the love and support from family and friends! 
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Moving forward steadily now for me means “counting it all joy”, as James says and “never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord” as we read in Romans. I miss my Tall Boyfriend every minute of every day. We had big plans to serve others during our empty nest phase of life. I cannot speak to the “why” life has become what it is but I can speak to the “how”. Taking each day, relying upon others, studying God’s Word, and sitting still and listening to the Holy Spirit has been my saving grace. So door #2 it is… this is me stepping through that door. This is me, that little dinghy sailing a stormy ocean trying to stay afloat and get to that new place.